Lungs...Who Would Have Them!?

So it would seem that 5 brilliant weeks of breathing and semi getting my life back, my lungs on Wednesday decided I had clearly been leading my life to well, and sent me back to hospital.

I just missed ITU again. Aprently (i was told yesterday, that if there wasnt a bed on the respiratory HDU, I was heading to the doom and gloom)

When I arrived my sats on my ABG were sitting nicely at 70%. Great!!

After being drugged right up I wasnon the move to the ward.

I was having a reasonably good say yesterday so thought to ask the docs today if I could try off o2 and they agreed as long as I could maintain my sats. Sounds easy right!?

Few hours later, low and behold the lungs decided other things AGAIN.

This time though it has been bloody hell trying to get a doc, having these killing seasons is a bloody nightmare, it makes things so much harder in emergency situations.

Well by evening I had managed to see a doc, who flapped a little and demanded I put the oxygen back on my face and did more ABG's and drugged me a bit more...oh and re informed ITU things were steadily going down hill again.

I had yet another xray...I swear im going to be glowing soon.

And im now back in puffing away!! The joys!!

Have to be honest tho since ive been here this time around, Ive had the same lush nurse every night which for care is great. I really doc think that these nurses that doo give a hoot should be praised a hell of a lot more often!!

Anywhoo thats me for now!!

TTFN

XXXX

My Reasoning

Picture says it all really lol...or the fact no councillor would have me!!

Joke!! The reason I blog, hmm gets it off my chest without constantly ranting to my friends and family. Instead I can have quality time with them which is more important!!

Plus, when I see my page views feed going up and up and up, it makes me feel that people generally do want to be interested in my life, weirdly enough!!

Oh and it gives me something to do at weird hours when others seem to be doing the natural thing...of sleeping!!

TTFN

XXXX

Mums!!

Recently I have come to realise the importance of my mum!!

Throughout my teenage years I never really connected with my family and I would spend all my time with my friends. I hated being at home, there was always arguments, always shouting and never any loving so to speak.

During my college years my parents split. Where as most kids sre completly devestated with their world being torn apart, I had a sense of relief run throughout my body, no more arguing, YES!!

When I was 17 I decided to move out altogether and live with a "friend" and a few month later mum then moved to a new town.

I saw her about 2/3 times a year if that because of problems I was having with the person I was living with.

When I started to become really poorly with my asthma, my mum would be with me the minute my ass hit the hospital bed and she stayed with me for hours, sometime throughout the night, especially when I have been in ITU.

Roughly a year ago my old consultant told me it was no longer safe for me to live on my own and that I was to move back in with mum. Devestated wasnt the word gor it as I had been living away from my family for 3/4 years or so but I knew it was in my best interest.

Mum still remains by my side when in hospital, every morning she will ring the ward to see how I have been and everyday she would visit.

Since moving back in with mum we have done so much together like going for walks with or without the dogs. Going shopping, having random coffee mornings and I have to say I really love it. I now feel that we have a relationship together like a Mother and daughter should!!

And this is where I have seen the importance of my mum!!

TTFN

XXXX

Weight Gain

Last year I was really proud of myself as I had managed to loose over 2 stone in weight. Ok granted a lot of it was probably through stress and that I didnt really have a huge amount of time to eat.

But this year alone, as in the last 9 months, I have manaed to out all that weight and more back on, but I havnt a clue of what to do. Yes I guess I could cut down on the amount I eat but its hard as even though I tell mum to put less in my plate she doenst seem to want to listen.

With regards to exercise, im taking the dogs out walking daily, but if I try running or swimming (to which Ive done a few times) my lungs just get really angry with me and I have to stop.

I literally dont know what to do anymore. All I know is its getting me down and depressed and im really starting to hate the way I look again, I know if I dont do something about it now, its just going to get worse and make my breathing worse again but this time through weight gain!!

TTFN

XXXX

What Is The Point!?

Wheb I cant sleep at night, do I rummage around, go downstairs and put the tv on as loud as possible and let the puppy run around (without opening the backdoor) or do I remain in my bed, turn in my lap and read my kindle!?

Yup you got it, I do the second one.

So why is it that every time my mums partners cant sleep he does the first one!? Not only that, but after waking me and then the puppy come into my room making a fuss, I needed a wee, so off I go, to then stand in a shit that the puppy laid outside my room!! Lets just say I was highly un amused!!

I just dont get it!! As well as all the above, it seems that it always happens when I say the night before that Im massively exhausted, funny that!!

So today, im even more exhausted, and my god isnt he going to know it as I will make a point of being a grumpy ass with him!! He will learn!!

TTFN

XXXX

The Pup

About 5 weeks ago mum decided she was going on holiday in the caravan. Towards the end if the 10 days she rand me like a big kid saying guess what I just got. To be honest I hadnt a clue. So after lots and lots of wrong guessing, mum gave in and told me it was a pup!!

She was 7 weeks when mum came back hone and bloody lush!!

I keep forgetting what her exact breed is but I know she is a westie cross.

Mum wanted a Cornish name for as its where she came from. So shes naned Mowsle, which is the same as the little town Mousehole in Cornwall but mum didnt want it spelt the same.

We have just started taking her out for walks as shes had all her jabs and she loves it, and loves eating her lead along the way.

So far she responds really well to her name, sits and ive also taught her to kiss when you ask her to. I will be teaching her more and more also haha.

Enough of me yabbing about her, here is some pictures.

TTFN
XXXX

The System

I have to admit, Im feeling a little let down by the system at the moment.

There are all those people out there that seen to get every benefit going, and everything they could ever wish for. Me on the other hand, is still on the assessment phase of ESA (a year later may I add), and im still, 3 months later being assessed for DLA. Other than that I aparently dont qualify for anything else as Im either ni pregnant, not of ethnic minority nor have any current children.

I feel this is a little unfair as, 1-if i was to get pregnant, not only would I put my own health at risk but also the babies. 2-there is no way even if I had a child I could survive on benefits either and 3-surly UK citizens should get first dibs on any money available likewise for accomadation!?

I currently get £53 a week!! Yup thats it, and as my current outgoings are £50 phone bill, £85 car insurance, £100 storage company, and £70 credit card bill, my income doesnt even cover that, let alone petrol and shopping. Also if I was having to pay for my medications I would be screwed. Somehow, the government thinks I can survive on that £53 a week-id like to see them try!!

Todays rant over :-)

TTFN

XXXX

Thinking...

"The process of using one's mind to consider or reason about something"

Recently, this definition has really been bugging me. When most people think, they tend to end with a conclusion whether it be good, bad or ugly is a different matter. My thinking on the other hand, never seems to end with anything but tears. Now I have no idea if this is the medication im on sending my mind barmy or whether I am finally breaking down and going into a depressive spiral. (Please people dont be put off an stop talking to me now, I need folk like you.)

It firstly relates to my step family, they have got to be the most inconsiderate people I have ever met. You know the back ground from previous posts such as the smoking - well thst continues. There has also been recently where I have been super exhausted, so I tell them im going to bed early. There response to this (sunday night) stay up till midnight in lounge with tv as loud as possible. [Loung under my room], to which at 1am my step sister decides she is going to bed. BUT WAIT she thinks that now is a good time to rumnage in the airing closet outside my bedroom for 20mins picking her beding, and then the next half hour making her bed. Productive time for me as instead of sleeping I went ebay shopping.
Low and behold at 3am, my lung chuck their usual strop so im awake again.
To top Sunday night off, at 0530 my step dad now decides he cant sleep, so goes down stairs. Yeah thats great, apart from he also thinks it a wise idea to let the puppy out the kithen = puppy in charlies room!! FFS an even more knackered me!!

Monday I make it very know how unimpressed I was and resorted into a 13 year old who had just started her period and her hormones were all over the place. 2030 I try the scenario again "im shattered, im going to bed, please try and keep the noise down"
2100-step sis thinks it a brite idea to go into her room with her boyfriend and re arrange it. GREAT!!
2230, said people now thinks it a great idea to eventual move back down stairs making whale noises along the way!! God save me.
2300, said step sis's boyfriend (who left 20mins ago) thinks its an amazing hiur to ring the landline (to which a phone is in my room) and then have a convo for the next friggin hour. Result - very loud talking/laughing/argueing.
Eventually i got to sleep around 4 after realising no point in going to sleep untill middle of night nebbing session.

Now does all of the above seem like ive got stressed for no reason at all, or would you equally be majorly hacked off!? On a good note, said step sister, has happily jogged off back to ber mothers now!! YIPPI!!

The other massive thing I have been thinking about, is that my best friend who I have known for 16 years has been going through a little rough patch again, and where as before I lived 2 minutes away and I would pop round or go for a walk/drive etc make her happy or smile atleast through an act of stupidness/sillyness or by a random joke, this isnt as easy as before and I fell like im not supporting her as much/as well as what I did. Granted Im always at the end of a phone and I will happily text throught the night/day if I know it is supporting her. But With being over 50miles away, it just doesnt feel the same. I want to be the friend I was. I know she would probably say I was and more but I cant see that.

Instead of me acting on all of the above, I cant seem to process it in my head through that "thinking" action. It seems silly as it is such a natural thing to do, but I just dont seem to be coming up with any conclusions...

...I just seem to cry!!

TTFN

XXXX

Another One I Hear You Say!?

So a week later my body decided it wanted to have yet another allergic reaction.

Thankfully this one wasnt an anaphylactic, but I still need to see on call doc, who also decided to tell me, the site for the reaction is also infected.

So the little bleeder of a midgy that bit me past on some manky germs when deciding to still me blood. Why I thank you so much!!

I  guess that was their form of payment!!

TTFN

XXXX

I Just Dont Get It

No matter how many times we tell him not to smoke by me or in the same room as me it just doesnt sink in.

What my brain fails to understand is why he doesnt give a hoot!! He knows the seriousness of my asthma and that I was on a ventilator last year, plus his brother was poorly with asthma when he was young, yet he still persists on smoking next to me.

Its worse when my mum isnt in the house, he suddenly starts chain smoking. I try my best not to have extra nebs on these occasions though as the side effect are hell!!

I have no idea what to do and I really cant take it anymore.

My consultant is telling me Im still not safe enough to be living solo, not only this, but I still cant get a job because of my lungs so there is no way I could afford my own place again!!

I dont want to keep moaning at mum about what he is doing, but im sure its not fair.

Im literally pulling my hair out becuase of it. I spend most of my time isolated in ny room, and when im not there, hes questioning my mum when am I going out, when am I going to bed etc etc just to get me out the living room so he can smoke!!

Before I had to give up my flat in February (officially) but moved in last September, mum sat him down, explained everything and he said he would support and not snoke near me etc etc...well it seems he has done the complete reverse of it!!

Well, I guess I should stop ranting now!!

TTFN

XXXX

Ps, this photo is how I feel in image form.

The Story Of The Wart, Part Three

I went back to the nurse yesterday to which she said "ah thats a bit of a big blister" (that was post the erm, what can I do for you!? With my response being -u booked me in last week for a follow up).

Back to the wart...

The nurse decided to tell me that I was to go home and pop the blister to which the skin would fall off taking most of the wart with it. So I questioned about the fact I was on steroids and had been for ages and she said that wouldnt effect anything.

My thoughts-never pop a blister!!

Sadly, my blister had other ideas and today decided to pop itself. With it being natural though I was happy.

A few hours later, yes the skin did fall, taking most of the wart with it (thank god as it was LARGE!!)

Unfortunatly though, with the wart being disturbed, what was left off it had decided to start bleeding. Four hours later, it is still bleeding, so ive now pressure dressed it and have my poorly toe high in the sky!!

Morale of the story - despite a lady at the GP surgery being a nurse, trust your instinct when you know disturbed warts dont like long term steroid use.

Heres hoping it doesnt make my anemia any worse!!

TTFN

XXXX

Exhausted.com

Resently I have been feeling so exhausted it is unbelievable. I have no idea whether it is being on such hi dose steroids for so long, whether im brewing something, if my body doesnt like the heat and generally all of it in one.

Either way, all I want to do is sleep and I dont like it!!

TTFN

XXXX

My Crafty Side

During May time I ended up having a massivly long admission for stroppy lungs. As I was getting stupidly bored, mum thought she would be clever and get me something to do  this resulted in a tapestry.

I decided to make it my stroppy lung project so that each admission I had, I would have something to do. This failed.

As a result it has taken me up until now to complete the task. And took a total for £80 out of my bank though the tapestry itself, material and funky wool. ( the last two items I didnt actually need, but me being me, I wanted to make it into a pillow)

So all that said, here is the finished result. To which I LOVE IT!!

Thank you mother B-)

TTFN

XXXX

The Story Of The Wart, Part Two

Two days after my wart thing had been attacked by the lady in the doctors surgery, my toe is in bloody agony, and sore all over, even in areas that doesnt look touched!!

Well the blisters are a little worse and the skin around it is rather red. Ouch!!

Well, heres a picture for 3/4 days later...4 days untill next photo lol enjoy!!

TTFN

XXXX

Is Now A Member Of The Epi Pen Crew

Whilst at bibic yesterday I noticed that my arms were starting to blister and get super busy. I tried getting hold if the GP thinking lets be good and get it sorted before anything major happends, when low and behold...sorry we have no appointments.

Thinking sod it see how it goes and ring up for an appointment in the morning if its still there or got worse.

By about 2130 my face was starting to become itchy and burning so I though go do evening meds and settle down for the night.

Maybe I should stop thinking so optimistically as in the time of me doing my meds, my face was starting to balloon.

Off to minor injuries I go, to be told Im not critical and wait for the out of hours GP who will rock up about 2330. By which point my tongue and lips was starting to balloon even more. The GP then jabbed my ass with lots of drugs and also gave me 50mg of pred...yuk

For some stupid reason though, things decided to get worse and I was put into an ambulance and off to the local hossie for me being jabbed with adrenaling and nebulsied along the way. Joyful!

Oh and did I forget to mention, a night in hossie!!

Well good job I was admitted as by the time all the drugs had started fading out, I was going into another full blown anaphylaxis and boy ive never seen a doctor act so quickly in all me life. Being jabbed left right and cetre again and more nebulisers, an hour and a half later things finally started to settle.

To which the doc said "can I be honest with you" - yeah course..."I was generally scared with how quickly that reaction took place despite all the other meds you had had and he wasnt sure what to do next if things wasnt to settle". Me-well I didnt notice you was scared so fair play to you and you did and amazing job.

He sat with me nearly the whole time of me being poorly and then kept checking up on me.

He was mega excited and started calling everyone possible to look at my tongue at how un fat it now was.

After he handed over to the day staff I thanked him again and he ended his shifter mega happy...

...and I ended my day a newly qualified member of the epi pen crew!!

TTFN

XXXX

The Story Of the Wart...

There once was a wart, that caused no harm or hassle, and then it grew into a super wart haha

A year later I decided to finally get it sorted and visited the nurse and my doctors surgery.

I tolerate two zaps of her super sonic meanie spray and was a wimp and said no more lol.

A few hours later my foot was in bloody agony. Blistered, red and hurting. I felt like a massive baby!!

The blistering has spread further down my toe and foot, to which I have found out the reason for this is becuase the nurse missed and hit my good skin...ouch

So heres the result haha.

Chapter two will be here next Tuesday lol with nore picture haha

TTFN

XXXX

Job Centre...Nit Wits!!

I have been on Employment Support Allowance (ESA) now since last August, and this has been on the induction rate. After ringing at least 3/4 times a month already, Today I had just about had enough!!

I rang the job centre first who said the system had still not been updated and were about to hang up, to which I told her I wanted the number of the company who they were waiting for information from.

After ringing Attos and being told, I  shouldn't have been referred to them, and that my GP had been fab and sent a report back within a week, I was then told I had to ring back the Job Centre as they had screwed up.

So I rang back the Job Centre and told them that they had screwed up by referring me to the wrong person. The lady at the end of the phone was ultimately pissed at me telling her that she had screwed up and told me to repeat to her what they had said. She then told me I had to sit and wait for the outcome, to which my answer was, has she ever tried living on £50 a week, and was she going to start paying off my debts" to which she said no. I also told her it was about time that she done the job she was being paid for instead of me having to chase every one on the stupid 0800 expensive numbers.  Back to Attos I go, to which they said that they can see why I was so frustrate, and should hear a finally answer by the end of the month, I asked him for his word on this (as I knew the call would be recorded) and I took him name.

Fingers crossed, I hear something soon.

Next up, DLA. tried having the cocky man at the end of the phone tell me I needed to allow up to 12 weeks. I gave him the date that the form got sent in and his answer was "oh...ah...this is the 12 week, apologies there " ass...all in all, I have apparently been on the urgent answers required list, and I should hear something within 10 days!! (if not, back on the blower I go lol)

Until next time lol

TTFN

XXXX

Appointments, Appointments, Appointments!!

Three appointments, this week, and how unexciting have they been!!

Firstly there was my GP on Monday as I had such a rubbish weekend with my lungs, to which he wants yet another sputum sample to be sent. I also asked him I if he had any other answers as to why I was anaemic, and he seems to think that it could be the hernia of mine, but sadly he said there wasn't a chance in hell that he was referring me to have a camera put down my stomach at the moment with the state of my lungs. How very kind of him.

Tuesday I was back at the doctors to see the nurse this time, as I have a wart type thing on my toe, and I was having it zapped as it was starting to really hurt and er get a little large!

Today I have had the adventures of my lung clinic. Lets just say the attitude has change a little to "ah well, Birmingham are to make all the decisions now unless you are acutely unwell" - So when my ENO came back at 170 (which would explain why I feel mega pants) his attitude was, we will see if you become critically unwell, and if you do then we will admit you, in the mean time increase your steroids!! Oh for goodness sake, lets hope the increase steroids help me out a little.

So there is my appointments for this week, just fracture clinic to go next week and Job is sorted for a little while!!

TTFN

XXXX

Happy Chappy

On a happy note, for once a member of my step family have shown they actually care about me...

Ok granted it was via their fiance, but they asked me how i was feeling and how my appointment in Birmingham went the other week.

Once I explained it all to them, they then asked questions about long term events for me and ask whether any operations or treatments could help me lead a normalish life.

When I was talking to mum after I said to her how happy it made me feel knowing that atleast one of the 9 generally gives a hoot about me!! Now just for the other 8 to pick up in their brain cells!!

So a happy me for tonight!!

TTFN

XXXX

There's Ups And There's Downs!!

Following my weekend of trying to get all the right information processed into my head, on Tuesday I was feeling a little down, needed to get out and about and wanted to have some company, and I knew that with mum being on a four day straight in work, I wouldn't get it, so I got on the train to Bristol and decided to stay  with my friend around the chew valley area.

It started off fantastic, she picked me up from the train station which I thought was super lush and we went for a walk around the local countryside getting some much needed fresh air and walking the dogs.

Wednesday on the other hand start off a little rough, for some reason I clearly had done something wrong as my friend started jumping down my throat!! Thankfully that didn't last long and we headed off to Warminster and visited a National Trust site called Stour head, and the ground and house were stunning!! yet again we managed to get lost and somehow managed to leave the grounds and find ourselves stranded in the middle of a field!! After about an hour of us realising we were in fact lost, we decided to head back the way we came and managed to get back on to the right track.

Thursday I had just about had enough of being shouted at and told off like I was five...I was in the kitchen and there was music on (plus the fact that I am partially deaf) and my friend was trying to call me, to which I heard something but said back for her to wait a second as I couldn't hear a word she was saying...next thing I know, she is stomping into the kitchen shouting at me for purposely ignoring her when she has just had a phone call and has to rush round to hers nan's---er sorry, but I did day I couldn't hear you!! argh
An hour later when she got back and I was having a wee, she apparently knocked on the door, and because I didn't stop weeing and answer the door straight away that was wrong as well!! I mean, what would you  do, carry on peeing or assume they would get their keys out of their back and let themselves in (to which she ended up doing)
All in all, I was getting pissed off and and thought we either needed to get out, or she needed to drop me round to my dads as the reason for me coming to Bristol was to get away from hassle and enjoys the space!!
We ended up going to a woodland in Frenchay area which turned out to be rather nice and chilled...untill my lungs decided they wanted to have an attack - in the middle of the woods...needles to say I freaked a little as wasn't sure what we would do if in ended up need hospital help!!

Finally getting to my dads that night, I spent a few hours with him, and then he dropped me back to the train station for the home straight.

Mum then decided to drop the bombshell on me about the news my sister had whilst I was away and that she is mega poorly and its going to effect her and any children that she may want to have in the future...friggin great hey, could we have much more crap thrown out us recently!!

Today I went to bibic again, but could only manage a few hours, my lungs following my attack yesterday are yet again not happy, and I think I am re brewing the infection that wont shift. So naturally I ring up the GP and ask for an appointment and their answer was, if its an emergency I can offer you an appointment if not you'll have to wait till Monday...to which I replied, If it was to turn into an emergency, I wont be waiting, ill be going to the hospital, she was not impressed with my answer!!

So all in all, the week that was meant to be nice and relaxing turned out to a heck of a week that was more stressful than anything!!

Here's to next week being a little better, even with my three appointments I have to endure!!

On a good note though, I have received the medi alert card from Brum to carry on me for what treatment I need if I was to present to a Hospital, that reassured me!! - Oh and my mum loved her presents that I got her from stour head!!

Well, here's to next week being a little better, I'm sure ull find out soon enough!!

TTFN

XXXX