Short Update

Hi everyone, Just an update. Im am in Intensive Care with my asthma. Been here since last week which is why ive not been updating. As soon as im home, youll here from me TTFN XXXX

Easter

Firstly I would just like to wish everyone a happy Easter and I hope you have all had a great weekend. For me, Easter has been very busy and very tiring. On Friday afternoon I had my old work friend come down from Bristol to visit us. Initially we didnt do much, just cooked some tea, have a massive catch up and then went for a walk. We had found another footpath that led us to the section of the camel trail that is at the bottom of our road. It was lush to see yet another different walk right by our home. On Saturday, we were aiming to wake up at 0730 as thats what time Dixie normally wakes up. But no, not today. Today she decides she wanted a lie in so of cour without our alarm we all had a lie in. Thankfully though it wasnt that drastic. All we had to do was my medication, make a picnic and feed our pets and jump in the car as we spent the day at "The Lost Gardens Of Heligan". Myself and my other half went there a few weeks back when we were camping but my friend has never been and as it is a stunning place we were happy to go again. We had been rather lucky as the weather was fantastic, sun all day with a slight breeze to stop us from over heating. I was rather proud of myself as I had managed to walk some of the nature trail but sadly it killed my legs for the rest of the day meaning I then had to be in my wheel chair. Me and the girlfriend were hopeing to be able to buy another gorgeous flower but they had none we liked so instead we got and eco friendly bird feeder and three packs of seeds so were going to attempt to grow our own flowers. Should be interesting.after a lush day out, we got home and had a scrummy coffee and some tea and then decided to go back out again. I drove us to another part of the camel trail just outside of Bodmin and we took the dogs to the river down there. My lovely lady showed me this super old steam railway line, admittedly, I fell in love. I love any old fashioned steam transport, it abdolutly fascinates me. Sunday we were a little disappointed. We had planned to go to the beach with the puppys but the weather had other plans. It had poured down all day. That didnt stop us from going on an hour long walk with the puppies and my friend though. When we got back we were both freezing and drenched. All part of having a dog though. Amazingly we had arrived just in time for our easter sunday roast to which of course we had lamb. After another massive natter and a coffe though it was time for my friend to travel back to Bristol. It has been a massively tiring weekend for me and im more than exhausted, but the fact that ive had a friend visit ne who ive not seen in a few months was great. Last night however I couldnt sleep very well at all. My PTSD was really really bad. My flash backs had hit its altime highest and it was terrifying me. The thought of having another asthma attack really is scaring the shit out of me. Im terrified about dying and im terrified itll be my asthma that kills me. I really hope my councelling can start soon as im really not coping very well with this at all. Im little scared beyond belief. Hope youve all had a good time though. TTFN XXXX

Wowzers

Ok so for me, rather a lot has happened yesterday and today which brings me to my excuses for not blogging last night. Yesterday, we had planned to go to the beach because Dixie loved it so much. We were really thinking that it would be mega crowded because its half term and the weather was lush...but we were mistaken. There must of been 20 people maximum there. Dixie was absolutly amazing and as we took our shoes and socks off at the car and had shorts on, we were able to go in the sea and she merrily joined us. My other half got scared after a while though as she started to see crabs (even though they were dead) so she climbed out of the sea and strolled along beside me. We had to have a quick dash up to top half of the beach because Dixie started being sick. We gathered this was because she drank A LOT if sea water and for a little belly like Dixies thats bound to make you vom. After we wrapped her in a town and gave her some clean bottled water she was just as she was before. Perfect. Later in the evening, we decided to take Dixie on her night time walk. We decided to take a new route that our next door neighbour told us about the day before. We were super excited as there were feilds, woods and streams, all of which is Dixies heaven. We started our walk at 1844. 2 hours later, after climbing over trees, under tress, through vines, and along wrong paths that led us to someones back garden, we finally made it home. I instantly collapsed in bed in tears, I was in agony. The pain it had caused in my joints and muscles was undescribable. I had to have my maximum amount of prescribed morphine and try and get some sleep. ( so thats my excuse for not blogging last night.) Today on the other hand, my plan was to rest and recover from yesterday, untill I went down to feed the three rabbits. Gizmo and Mr Spice are dandy. Norbert on the other hand had a 3minute sneezing episode. Im not sure how many of your are rabbit aware...but rabits arnt meant to sneeze unless there is something hugely wrong with them. With rabbits, they hide their illness as best as they can for as long as they can because if they were in the wild they cant show weakness. I quickly gave them their food and rang the vets we are with and they made us an emergency appointment. After seeing the vet, it turns out that Norbert has got an upper respiratory infection so need antibiotice twice a day for 10 days and has had to be put in isolation from the other two rabbits. The vet said we were great and prompt for getting us him as if we hadnt of noticed the signs of him being poorly it would have travelled to his lungs very quickly and potentially have killed him. As my other half says "hes just like his mummy, and its a good job we know how to sort colds and illness out when it comes to our lungs" lol. When we eventually got home, we had fpund out that Dixie hadnt eaten any food all day. All we could think of is, please not another trip to the vets. We tried her again at 1730 and she ate a snall amout. So we had bathed her and snuggled her...and then she started to crunch on something. Being absolutly baffled as wed given her nothing, I quickly put my hand in her mouth...and there it was...another tooth. We have managed to find two of her teeth now and have kept them in a little pot. No wonder the poor pup hadnt been eating all day though. (Oh heres her tooth)

Well thats me for now. I may not be here over the weekend as I might be having a friend of mine coming to visit from Bristol so ill be more than exhauted. Hope you all have a great easter...dont eat too much. TTFN XXXX

Happy But Frustration

Ok ok so the main part of the day has been fantastic I took Dixie to the camel trail whilst my other half was at her fitness class and she blinking loved it. Running up and down, and then of course we found a river. She was straight in. Shes such a water puppy, its great to see. With the weather being so great and her amazing reaction with the weather, weve decided that tomorrow we are off to Par beach. Fingers crossed shell remember the beach and continue to love the water. A medical update: I had my clinical psychologist from Birmingham ring me today to check up on my local care and to see how I was coping with my severe PTSD. I had to explain to her that the local care has infact failed. Ive had no follow up so ive been trying to keep coping on my own. Lets just say shes not impressed at all. In other medical news, my lungs have remained cruddy, sats still dropping and needing lots of salbutamol. Im still subconsciously ignoring it though as I want to live my life. Im not giving into my asthma. I refuse. In complete other situations (the other half of my title), im getting really upset and frustrated with my mother in law. Shes picking fault with everything we are doing and constantly causing arguments. Its driving me insane. I dont feel like a 23 year old anymore. I feel as though im 10 again, living with my mum constantly being dictated to. Im pretty sure it shouldnt happen. Ok granted I ignor all the arguing between my partner and her mum untill it involves me but with how my mental health is its driving me further down. I reay have no idea what to do. I feel the only solution is to move out but untill theres something withing the council we cant. Its making me feel crap!! I have a huge headache now so im off to sleep now. TTFN XXXX

Just Another Day

Up nice and early today because I had OT coming to measure me up for the stair lift im having fitted. Thankfully thatll stop me falling on the stairs like I done yet again tonight. After all the measuring I then dropped my lovely girlfriend off at Bernados for her 3 hours of volunteering. Whilst she was there, I filled my time with walking Dixie, sorting our flowers out and chucking the dead ones, eating some diinner, nebbing and sleeping. When I woke I felt like absolute shit and rather puffed. As a result I had a quick (ish) dash to the mirror, noticed my lips were blue, so went and got my sats monitor...90%. Bollocks. Quick nebbing session before I had to get my lovely lady again. Thankfully im feeling a little better this afternoon and evening so ill see how I go before I ram any more steroids down my neck. Weve also found another feild to which we are allowed to walk Dixie and blinking heck she blinking loved being back in a feild again chasing a ball. For a squidgy puppy she aint half blinking adorable. Other random things about my life today...my GP receptionist rang me because my GP wants to see me so the had to arrange and appointnent. Its planned for the 28th. When I asked if she knew what it was with regards to, she thinks he said it was because I need to start a new medication. Im baffled as to what for so it should be interesting. And final news for the day to put a smile on your face...today ive lost another 2lb and a quarter in weight so since 6th January this year I have now lots 1stone and a quater and a grand total since the start of my weight loss last August of 3stone and a quarter. I just have another 2 stone to go and im at my healthy weight. Really hope I can do it. Hope your all well. TTFN XXXX

Lush!!

Waking up this morning, I was determind to actually rest...I started off doing that after doing our morning walk with Dixie around the feild. We then sat in the back garden (on the comfy chairs) watching the rabbits, lapping up the sunshine. Sadly though even though it was 15 degrees, I was sat in a coat as I was so blinking cold. I took my temperature at around lunch time and it was raised...no wonder I was cold. After our amazeballs sunday lunch, myself and my partner went for a stroll to find a new feild for Dixie as the farmer has now put sheep in the feild we were using. That walk turned into and hour and a half walk. Oops. I was in agony. To top it off, we never did find a field. After so much walking, it was time for a cuddle on the sofa watching a film, and todays film was "dream house" with Daniel Craig, and I have to say, its a bloody good film. Trying to stay healthy with our food, we have ran out of soup so had to raid the fridge. Thankfully I managed to russle up an amazing tuna salad. Was suprisingly satisfying. Once I had done my afternoon meds I was getting irritable and my head was really screwing me over again so I asked my lovely lady if we could go for another walk. Thankfully we agreed and went on the hunt for another field. In the hope we had potentially found one and getting excited, we followed the public footpath...but all of a sudden it came to an end and we could go no further, so we returned home. Completly in a world of our own, we realised that we had been out for another 45 minute walk. Oops again We are not snuggled up in bed, morphined up, drinking hot chocolate and watching One Tree Hill. Life is perfect. TTFN XXXX

Something New

When I went to asda yesterday, I was gutted to find out that they had sold out of easter biscuits...I mean come on, its still a week away. To resolve this, my lovely girlfriend said that as shes never made them before, she would love to give them a try and blinking heck they tasted good. We have been controlled though. Weve only shared one between us for today andvwe have four more between us ove the next few days. I was mega impressed with how they turned out as shes never made them before. What do you think?! :

Even though it was only half a biscuit that I have eaten, I felt really bad so punished myself...and todays punishment is that I walked around the feild 4 times at three different stages of the day. To be ho esr, I think I have the beginnings of an obsession going on. Im so fixated on loosing weight and its now got to the point im now weighing at the beginning and end of everyday. I really dont know what to do. I think its started because I had climbed up to 16 and a half stone and so many doctors have told me that my weight would make my asthma worse. For me that was enough to scare me so I guess I have to loose it. After our second walk of the day, I was in agony so had some more morphine, snuggled with my lady and our pooch on the sofa and watched a film. Todays film was "exit himanity". Although at the beginning I though it was a really bizarre film, I soon came to liking it. Its weird because it has a narrator ever now and then. But it explained the in depths if what was going on just incase you didnt pick it out whilst it was made visually the first time. So for me its a film with a thumbs up. In crappy news...I think I have another infection brewing. Im getting a lot more puffed out, I have pain in my left lung and I am rather bubbly with my lungs. My temperature has only raised a small amount so id feel like a fraud going to the GP at this stage. Just hope it doesnt get to bad by next weekend as we r supposed to have a friend staying down and visiting is. Only time would tell I guess. TTFN XXXX

Scream And Shout And Let It All Out.

Lush little day. Well, thats how it started any how. Myself and the lady to Dixie for a walk like usual. I then had to drop my other half at the camel trail as she was meeting up with her healthy lady. To which they done more walking and then as soon as I picked her back up an hour later we went off swimming. Unfortunatly we didnt stay as long as we would have liked because a mass load of holiday makers came in and took over the place. When we got home, it was roughly time to feed Dixie. (And heres where the title comes from.) Two seconds after we put Dixies food down on the floor, my other halfs mum walks in from upstairs, demands for us to pick up Dixies food because her dog was coming in. We asked her to wait a few minutes to give Dixie time to actually eat, but no she storms in, picks it up and puts it on the table leaving Dixie with nothing. I wouldnt mind but we warm Dixies meat up as she prefers it like that and each time its being taken away from her, it then goes warm and then she eats nothing. The next thing to which not only pissed me off but upset me is that I had the two youngest rabbits in the run as we didnt manage to get them in there yesterday.Dixie was casually outside laying in the sun, not having a care in the world about the rabbits. My other half mum comes down stairs again and I told her, ease dont let Lottie out right now as Dixie is out there and the rabbits are still in the run. So what does she go and do. Let Lottie out and she strolls back in. Immediatly I can hear that they were up to no good, and she must of to as she goes back out side and is shouting at her dog to get off the run. Next thing I know, shes ran indoors screaming at me saying the rabbits have got out the run. (Same scenario as yesterday). We manage to get the dogs back inside and then she stands over me whilst watching me struggle with two rabbits and the run and says to me "how are they managing to get out all of a. Sudden?!". Admittedly my response was sharp and it went something like "because your dog keeps jumping on the run, pulling it around (to which there are now small holes in the canvas) and they have ripped up the pegs leaving a massive hole for them to hop in and out. Next time, one dog out her at a time and we will have to watch them". After sorting them out, I went back in and got a little upset, because if it was Spice who I call my grampher rabbit, he would have been dead. Hes 7 years old so is bloody old for a rabbit and we are actually suprised hes still going. But the stress of a dog jumping on him would literally give him a heart attack. As a rest, im not blinking scared to let him in the run which is unfair. Tonight because I was so stressed and upset, I asked my other half if we could take Dixie fir her second walk early and then go upstairs to bed and watch a film. To which she said yes and thats where I am now...though the film has finished and I am nowing doing my bed time nebulisers and physio. The film we watch by the way was "inhabited". Ive had it for years but my lovely lady has never seen it...she kept jumping and cuddling into me as she was so scared ha. Its only a 12 I think as well. Bless her. Well, its been another long day for me, and im ready for the planned PJ weekend so ill chat to you all tomorrow. TTFN XXXX

Coffee, Friends And A Stroll

Late last night we had a great friend of ours text us to see if we would like to go for a catch up and a walk either today or tomorrow. As we r bust tomorrow, we decided that today would probably be best for us. She left it in our hands for time and place so I chose Cardinham Woods at 11am The timing was a little optimistic. I had such a rush night sleep, fell back to sleep at 7am and then woke up at 9. By the time I had done my meds, had breakfast, feed all the animals and do a picnic, admitidly we were a little late. Thankfully our friend was late also as her 8 month old son decided he needed a nap. Phew. When we all eventually got to the woods we had a sneaky "naughty hot chocolate" which is chocolate toped with mini marshmallows and cream-yum. I when went for our stroll (to burn off our drinks of course ha). I was so pleased as we all agreed to do the flat gental route so that could try on just my crutches instead of my wheelchair. The walk was 3k so it took us roughly 3 hours to get around because I needed to keep stopping, having a seat and catching my breath. Still, I am pleased with my achievements. Once we had our stroll, we then had our picnics and even more nattering. Got to love meeting up with friends. Certainly keeps your brain going, and the great thing is, its one of my other halfs friends originally so not someone I know through auk or one of my illnesses. Despite this, she is fantastic and really looks after me and makes sure im ok when we are together. When we got home. I had about an hours rested with being topped back up with morphine and I attempted to make tea. Sadly I had to give up around 1/4 of the way through as I just couldnt cope any more. Thankfully my other half was happy as usual to carry it on, which im glad as it was an experimental tea of fizzy orange chicken from "the girl called jack" book...and I have to say it was bloody lush. This was then finished of with a nice small portion of rice pudding as a suprise. As soon as the dishes were scrubbed, we went off on another stroll around the feild with dixie to keep up her routine. Now that im now I. Bed again I am bloody shattered, but to bring the final greatness to the end of the day, we found one of Dixies puppy teeth on the floor. Its the first one that we have seen, although we know shes lost more, just not sure when or where. Great times. Hopfully ill sleep well tonight, but we will see. TTFN XXXX

Yet Another Appointment

Musgrove Park was my hospital today and this was for my hip. Last year I was diagnosed with AVN and an impingement in my right hip so they decided to stick a massive needle into my hip joint and put steroids into it. This was more to try and control my pain rather than treat it. Sadly though since this my pain has just got worse and worse and im taking lots more morphine. Todays was my review appointment following my procedure and and the doctor asked how I was getting on and what its been like for me. I explained that for roughly four hours post the procedure my hip was perfect. Absolutly no pain...the next comment from the doctor was "and dont tell me, when the local wore off you were in agony". To which I obviously smiled and said, yeah, how did you know. She explained that there are a few things going on in my hip and potential some more theyve not yet seen. So they are sending me off for yet another MRI scan but with dye this time. Only of the things she said it could be is a liberal (not sure if this is the right spelling or not) tear. The reason I may have this is because I have deterioration of my femerol bone, there is now a point bit at the top which has potentially sliced through my liberal bit (which is the lining between my ball and socket joint, AKA cartilage bit. She did exain to me though that there could also be other things going on. All of which will show in the scan. To treat the tear, I got told that this is equally as major a surgery as what a hip replacement would be. She also informed me that if it turns out there are other things going on, the only way to fix them would be a total hip replacement. U.fortunatly though this would mean yet another general, and as she said, as ive stopped breathing on the last two, im going to have to be treated wisely and a lot more carefully...guess theres no harm in that though hey c; Now we are back home and in bed. Had a lot to tjink about again and my head is going mental. Wach appointment seems to be screwing my head up that little bit more. I dont think I can actual take much more. Y cant my life be simple. I want to be like most average everyday people!! TTFN XXXX

Pathetic

This morning I had to take my other half to the hospital for an appointment. She had to have her braces adjusted, a few other bits tweaked with and her jaw looked at to make sure everything was going in the right direction for her surgery that shes having towards the end of the year...hopefully. Thankfully everything everything is going perfectly and the treatment really is starting to work. The sad thing is that with things being played with today, shes got lots of pain so now we have to step up the pain releif again to make sure it doesnt get out of hand. Prior to us leaving, we had a huge barny with my other halfs mum. She knew we were going out and although my partners dad only came put of hospital last night she insisted that they had to go shopping. (Even though I could have done it). Wuth us all being out the house, she asked us where we were going to be putying Dixie to which we both replied, in the kitched like we always do. She wasnt impressed with this because unfortunatly on the weekend when we were at the hospital for 6 hours Dixie chewed the table. She wanted us to put her in our bedroom to which I refused because not only is there electric at the end of the bed and to the side of the bed but I have all my drugs. Thankfully my father in law agrees that itll be far to dangerous to keep her up there. Hes not nothered that the table got chewed because as he said again today, they didnt pay for the table and they are puppies. My mother in law argued that shes not having her stuff chewed which is why they got their puppy cage trained. As a result now they are telling myself and my partner that we have to by a dog pen for dixie to go in as they dont want to risk her chewing other stuff. Ive told them if they want her in one, they can pay for it as the are roughly £50. I refuse to cage train Dixie. So may say its amazing, but the idea of licking my dog in a small cage just doesnt appeal to me, not only is it restrictive for them, but they have no fluid or anything. I also see how stressed their puppy gets. I also panic and worry because when I was 16 I was involved in a house fire. Our old family home infact and I worry that if this was to happen again now, then Dixie would be trapped with no where to run. Why would you risk it, it doesnt make sense. Thankfully, no more has been said on the subject since we got home, but im sure it will. The rest of the day has generally been ok though. Im suffering really bad with my muscles thpugh, they keep giving out on me and I cant hold me head up again. Im having to prop it up on pillows. I really wish I didnt have this muscle disease. The rest I can cope with...kind of. Well, I best be off, I have a hospital appointment for myself tomorrow. TTFN XXXX

The Future Is Bright...The Future Is Painful

Ever considered what asrhma could be like...actually, ill better that, ever imagine what an asthma attack could feel like. So say that answer that, putva peg on your nose, put a straw in your mouth and breathe. Take it a step furtherx run up the stairs. You feeling daring, run 1500 meters. I bet you get stuck with trying to walk up the stairs let alone anything else. For me, this is pretty much how I feel on a daily basis. I stryghle to breathe with no break. To be honest, I cant actually remember what it is like to breathe "normally" so to speak. One thing that really winds me up is that many people assume that life with asthma is a few pumps of a blue inhaler and life goes on. Unfortunatly, for many there is more to that than this. For me, life with severe brittle asthma has been life changing, you could never live my life if your not use to it, believe me, its taken me four years as it is and im still not there. In America, they actually make their citizens aware of what its like to have asthma. They teach people so that there are no assumptions. This in tern im sure leads to better control and treatment. I wouldnt know for sure as insurance for me to fly out of this country is £6000. Yes you have read that right. Its this high because of all my medication, because I cant walk very far at all and also because in the last 4 years ive been to intensive care 11 times. Heres a video I found on youtube to show that America really do show you things in true light (*WARNING, IT IS EXTREME SO PLEASE ONLY WATCH IF YOU ARE PREPARED*) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KtiATXtIjlk Ok so now that ive had my rant about asthma because im pissed off with the way ive been treated and told that I "just" have asthma etc etc etc...I had to get it out my system as its not "just" asthma its my friggin life, and its ruining it. On the note of ruining my life, im fed up with being in pain and im fed up with this muscle weakness. I literally xant take any more pain releif and well as for my muscles, theres absolutly nothing can be done. Life shouldnt have to be like this. I should be able to live daily being carefree like everyone else. Being able to walk out the door and just worry about whether I have my purse. Keys and phone instead of this and, nebiser machine, spare nebules, epi pens, steroids, antihistamines, crutches, wheelchair, pain releif, and much more. If I wasnt so scared and had the chance to, I would end things right now. Life isnt happy when your living thiis life. Its unreliable. Unpredictable and uninspiring!! I hate it... TTFN XXXX

Give Or Take

Apologies to all my followers for not blogging last night but as you know my other halfs dad is currently in hospital and as no one else apart from me can drive I have been running around like a headless chicken. As a result, last night I was really poorly and just went to bed. Of course I dont have to do all this running around, but the way I see it is that when im next in hospital they would do the same for me. They would run my other half up and back from the hospital to visit me, they would bring me items I need and they woyld try and keep my spirits up so in my head it means I have to do the same for them. I wish I didnt think like that but I just cant see any other way around things. We think though that her dad may be home later today but annoying I still have to drive the 45 minutes to the hospital and then the 45 minutes home again. I also have to run my other half back to the same hospital tomorrow as she has an appointment and then I have to drive to Taunton on Wednesday which is 2 and a half hours to get there for a hispital appointment for myself. I wish I didnt drive. It hurts me so much. My muscles have gotten weaker and weakers because of the extra strain on them and now I literally feel like shit. I guess these things ha e to happen though. Thats what families do, they come together in times of need. TTFN XXXX

Mentally Down

I know, I know, ive just done a blog, but thats about my day. This is about my mind. I have severe PTSD. Im STILL waiting for CBT. Ive been abandoned by the health care system. Im feeling alone. Im feeling scared. Im feeling vunerable. Could I harm myself...ive do e it before!! That previous few lines is exactly what has been going through my head for the last few days. I really dont know what to do. What has made it worse, and what nobody seems to be seeing is that my father in law has been admitted to the same hospital that I was admitted to, two days before christmas last year. Hes been admitted to the same ward I started off in before I was rushed to ITU. Im taking the same routes to get to his bed that I was taken before I was nearly dead. No one has asked me how ive been walking back into that hospital. No one has asked me if my flash backs and panic attacks have gotten worse since stepping back into the hospital. No one has offered to stay with me for five minutes when I need a breather to sort my head out. Yes ok, I know, a member of their family is in hospital and is poorly. Im not being horrible, but his observations or stable, hes not on oxygen, not being closly monitored and the doctors arnt worried about him. Hes only now still in hospital to sort out warfrin that he is now on. This may sound very selfish to anyone reading this, but when you have been that close to death, unfortunatly you have to try and live life, and frustraitingly my life is being restricted in more ways than one and I hate it. I want my life back I want to start a family and not have them worried about all my health needs I was the flash backs to stop I just want to be me!! TTFN XXXX

Really!?

Could you ever imagine what a day in my life could be like!? Well here is yet another day of being turned upside down. Latly now because of getting up so early, my body clock now seems to think 0730 is the perfect time for me to be awake. Fun. I guess with being up so early the day may aswell have been started, so after my.morning medications we toddled off to the feild. Annoyingly though we had to bring my mother in laws dog with us. We only managed to walk around the feild twice though as I was bloody shattered. After all of that walking we then had to do a mad dash to the post ofgice as the post man is starting to get rediculous again with not posting our parcels. It seems as though I am now instantly the person that has to run everyone around. With having to take my father in law to hospital we had to leave his car at the doctors surgery, and because my mother in law was having a stress that it may have got damaged, she rang the rac and through mobility she got it driven home. Thats fine, I dont mind helping with that to some extent because you cant help being poorly, but what hacks me off is, my mother in law can infact actually drive and is insured to drive their car, she just doesnt want to. I stead I am being made to run around. All in all to dat, I have driven from home, to Bodmin, to Wadebridge, to home, to Truro, to St Austell and then back home again. I had to miss my lunch time medication because of being in the middle of driving which cause my lungs to get pissed off and it also meant I couldnt have any pain relief because of the drowsiness it cause which it turn has left me crippled in pain. Thankfully because of my amazing girlfriend, as soonas we got home she dosed me high with drugs and cooked me a lovely tea. After about 2 hours I was now in less pain than before. Enough that I could walk a little and decided to quickly dash around the feild again with Dixie as its really unfair for her to miss out hust coz my body is screwed up. Im praying that I dont have to run everyone around tomorrow as I really cant cope with it. On other notes, my father in law had a CT scan with dye to find out what was causing his breathlessness and it turns put he has clots in both lungs. He sadly though is adiment that its his diabetes that has caused this, no matter how many times we tell him different. He says that just hecause he is 19stone and immobile (to some degree) that that wouldnt have caused the clots. I guess this is a little sadening as it means he wont change his lifestyle. Some might say that this could be a warning to him. I guess if hes not willing to accept that his lifestyle isnt the factor for his stint in hospital then hes not going to get that reality check for his life. Sad really. TTFN XXXX

Why Cant One Day Be Simple!?

With an intentional early rise this morning, who knew that the day could turn out so god damn shit!! First off, we were intending on going swimming, but both my other half and her dad had to go to the doctors. My lady has been refered to someone a little more specialist to help out with a new problem that shes got (I say new, but weve been back and forth to the GP so many times over the last year, but theyve only just decided they cant control things any more). Sadly though, with her pops, I ended up having to drive him to hospital on the GPs orders. Hes had an increase in his shortness of breath over the last two days that his inhaler wasnt sorting and was getting a lot of chest pain. An update on him as of an hour ago after an xray, ecg and blood work, he may have a possible small PE. As a result, he is being kept in overnight just incase. I hope its nothing to bad, but on the other hand, maybe this could be a wake up call for my other halfs parents crappy diets and lack of exercise. But, will update you more on what is going on when we know more. I have to go pick up my mother in law who is currently still at hospital, im just hoping its pretty darn soon as im normally in bed by now. The other shit oart of today is that we had the council man come around today after he refused to put in a stair lift for me two which two medical professions told him I need and boy didnt I have yet another go at him. On a good note though, we are now getting a stair lift. On a bad note, hes only doing this for the mean time because he is basically kicking the four of us out. As aparently there are no homes in cornwall with two large double bedrooms either, me and my other half now need to venture on our own. Weve been told we have to sign up to home choice and start bidfing on properties. The council man also told us that they cant help us out anymore financially (because we told him were struggli.g to live off the parents on our income of benefits), he then also told us that the homes come unfurnished and that he also cant help us there either ( which im pissed about as ive just sold all my storage kit to which held my first flats living stuff. We are well and truly screwed. I went straight upstairs and just cried. We cant afford to live on our own, and the chance of me now getting a home that is suitable for my needs is zero to none. The council man ill just add said that if my other halfs parents got a house first, we would have to leave at the same time whether we had a home or not. So this twat is willing to make an ill and disabled person homeless. What the heck is the world come to. More stress to add to my life. I just want one day where I xan sit, chill and be my self. When do you think that may be!? TTFN XXXX

Busy Or Relaxed!?

Tonight title kind of explains it all really. The day started off relaxed because we had to wait in as a parcel was meant to be being delivered. As you can tell it didnt happen. Once we had established it wasnt being delivered, it was now lunvh time so we quickly took Dixie around the feild. We could however only walk her around once because I was really struggling to breath because of the crap air quality. My other half then sorted out our dinner like usual whilst I went and done my nebulizers in the hope it would sort my lungs, which thankfully, although it didnt fix them, I could atleast take a deeper breath. Straight after dinner, we had to take our middle aged of the three rabbits (Gizmo) to the vets as he was due a health check and his boost vaccine. As I predicted he is very we, has good teeth abd is well looked after, we are feeding him the right stuff and give him plenty of exercise because hes not fat.yay. atleast we are doing that right. After the vets, we had a sneaky visit to costa for some girlfriend time. We dont often get to have this anymore because of me and feeling like crap, but as costa was right next door to pets at home where the vets was, we decided it was a prime opportunity. When we got home, we got dixie back to the feild as its only fair she doesnt miss out just because of crappy air quality. To relax after this me and my other half had potted our two roses that we have been growing and maturing in our bedroom for the last year. Dont worry, theyre not rose trees. Just miniture steam roses so are no bigger than the average size hand. We dont live in a mansion and have a huge room for catering for this ha. Finally this evening, because im in agony with my hip, we came upstairs at 1800 and decided to watch the hunger games (number two). We both absolutly love it and figured it was a good long film to chill to. During the beginnings of the film, I was updating my certificate folder with 6 new photography certificates, and I also updated my portfolio with 6 new photos. Here is one of the pages for my portfolio:

2 other photos arrived today after I done an online print out from asda. These were one of Dixie and one of me and m y girlfriend. The reason I printed these are because they are for my nan. She lives in Manchester which is just over 600 miles away from me so see her very rarely and whilst I was chatting to her on the phone this week she was asking about us all so I thought it would b a lovely suprise to recieve a few photos to update her. Thats all for now. TTFN XXXX

Busy Bees!!

Rise and shine...nice an early again, but this time not because of Dixie, but because we had to run around and then go to a hospital appointment. First stop though was our usual walk around the field, but we only walked around once this morning as we were running a little late. Our next stop was pets at home as we needed to get Dixie some more meat, milk and sausages. We also had a sneaky treat for her and got her the most amazing coat. Its pink and has little reflectirs on, is waterproof on the outer shell and has a fleecy lining underneath. Weve got this because weve noticed recently that she is shivering so much out on walks because shes cold. When we took her on her walk this afternoon, we put on her coat and then her new harness (which arrived in the post also today) and went for our afternoon stroll. Heres a picture:

Afters the shopping we had to quickly dash around to St Austell as the other half had a hospital appointment about her bladder. All went ok, but it turns out that she has very small wee tubes so thats why it takes her sssssoooo long to go for a wee. She has been asked to do a wee diary for a day and for this she has to measure and document every bit of fluid in and out of her body...yum Our next adventure was to Trago. If you dont know what this is, its basically a huge discount store, they sell anything you could think of at a much cheaper price. We had to come here to buy a mass load of wood and chicken wire as my girlfriends dad has kindly said he will build us a run for our three rabbits. I cant wait to see the finish product. Lastly (for running around and appointments) my lovely lady had a home vist from the cornwall carers team to see if they can provide any extra support for her because she looks after me full time. I left them to it as this was for her, not me. Lots of great thing have been suggested to her like doing this group that has been set up specifically for young carers who meet regularly and go on outings like for meals or bowling etc. I rekon this would be fantastic for her, but although sh would love to, shes worried about leaving me. Im in the midst of persuading her ill be ok for a few hours, make me a hot drink and leave it for me and im sorted ha. The lady also suggested to her and gave her forms to fill in for us to get grants to go on holiday or on outings for day trips. So weve filled them in tonight and they will be popped into the post box tomorrow. Other than all that really, weve just been chilling. I also got myself making a fruity kebab for our bird kiwi. Hes a red rumped parakeet and were currently experimenting different veggies with him to munch and play with as a boredom breaker, healthy style...ill keep you updated on that. So, finally, I have four photos here from the naming ceremony I dont the other week. Now that the family have seen them, ive been able to copywrite them and put them on my facebook page, and now ill upload them here for you to see. Let me know what you think as I love feed back, nothing is never negetive, but constructive so ill always appreciate it.

This cake by the way was made by the most amazingly talented person I know...my girlfriend!! TTFN XXXX

Camping

Ok so firstly here is our pooch Dixie, loving the camera of course.

This was our first ever cooking episode whilst camping, toast for our toasted marmite sarnies.

Dixie having a good old sun bathing session

Dixie and my lovely lady at Harlyn bay beach for the first time, and the first time in the sea too.

A random stripy shell in the water

Dixie stealing my wheelchair whilst having a coffevat The Lost Gardens Of Heligan

A random man made insect colony at the gardens of heligan

A tree had recently been cut down and I took the perfect oportunity to capture its inner beauty

Another inner beauty of the tree

My beautiful girlie cooking our marshmallows to make our smores

Having a casual strol through the nature trail at Wheal-Martyn

Our makeshift home, with Dixie standing proud ofcourse

Our bed that literally just fit within the sleeping compartment So, thats a few photos from our camping trip as promised, not many but they capture each part of our adventure TTFN XXXX

Excitement!!!!!

Ill get the boring daily stuff out the way first, before I get through to the good stuff. Last night I had a nasty allergic reaction again, my face blew up, was swollen, red and rashy and this tracked down my neck, chest and arms. I had to take 4 antihistamines to get it under control. Thankfully it wirked else it would have been an epipen job!! Up nice and early again to be able to get Dixie around the feild and then get my other half to her new healthy wellbeing class. For us to do medication, physio, breakfast, and pet feeding we had to wake up at 6 and even then we left the house 5 minutes late. Hate that our mornings take so long. After I picked my lovely lady back up, we had arranged for our friend to come around with her little man. This was mainly so that I could give her, her CDs from the naming ceremony of her son a week saturday ago. We all had a slice of cake that she brought around and had a good old natter. I was a little gutted though because I couldnt have a cuddle with her little man because my muscles were so weak I couldnt stand or lift my arms so it would have been far to dangerous and unsafe. I was happy to pull faces and make silly noises to him though. Once our friend had left, we waited in anticipation to hear what she thought of my work. I was praying that she would like them. In the mean time though, we kept ourselves busy snuggled on the sofa watching frozen, which might I add is a blinking good film. At about 1930 tonight, I recieved a tad on my face book which was - "Just got the photo's back from my very talented friend Charlie from Charlie_Warlie Photography, twice now she's taken photo's for me, they are truly beautiful, capture the whole feeling of Tre's naming ceremony. I have laughed, smiled and even had a few weeps at the amazing images. Thank you so much Charlie, if you every need any recommendations I will sing it from roof tops!" I was both overwhelmed and overjoyed with this response. I always doubt that my work is as good as what people say it is, but I guess that people really do like it. Well that was my exciting news!! Untill tomorrow... TTFN XXXX