Tuesday 3 March 2015

Frustraistion, Upset and confusion

Unfortunalty 5 weeks on and I am still in hospital. To some yes this way seem that its not that long a time compared to some but for me its my longest ever stay and i hate it.

On Sunday i had another asthma attack that came on out of the blue, scared the shit out of me and ended up getting me sectioned for a short space of time.

I didnt want treatment. I want to b left to die but because i got transfered from the mental health hospital to the general hospitsl they kind of used it against me and sectioned me and forced the treatment on me which mega cheesed me off.

A physoclogist has seen me on the qard and my PTSD scoring has gone from 54 to 86 which aparentlt is through the roof and they are not happy with things being left any longer as its going to make me even more suicidal and my self harming is just going to continue increasing.
When i first got admitted here i told them i would do anything to kill myself. Ive tried 4 times but annoyingly have been found each time. One time by the skin of my teeth though as i was in a pretty bad shape aparently.

I just want all this to be over. I want my legs to start working again. I want my lungs to start working and and i want my head to realise it cant control me any more.

All that being said though, i doubt itll be achieved...

TTFN

XXXX

3 comments:

  1. You can achieve some of it matey. We'll support each other ok. Its unbelievably hard for anyone to understand how all this feels for you, but you are amazingly strong. Love ya xx

    ReplyDelete
  2. GrannyMo Hugs Honey. Know where you're coming from. Several times last few months, felt like driving straight into a wall off the motorway. I'd decided which wall and which motorway. At the moment, its a good spell and have the hope that CBT will help in future. Crossing fingers and toes on that one. Wish I'd a magic wand to make you well and walking. All I can do though, is sympathise, empathise and appreciate what you've gone through in a very short life. With you chum.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hey. Just flying by to say thanks for ur kind words. Really appreciate it xx

    ReplyDelete